Insanity
by n5d25d90
Summary: What is jail to Gideon Gleeful? It certainly can't punish him. But is there something that can?


"Darn shame."

I look up at the sheriff. I recognize him; he comes to all of my shows. He's a huge fan, and hopefully my ticket out of this godforsaken place.

"Durland," the sheriff calls to his deputy. "I have to run some errands. Watch the boy while I'm gone. Be on the lookout for any funny business."

"What about unfunny business?" the dimwit asks. I cringe at the lack of intelligence in the air.

"Edwin, never change," the sheriff says in a tone so smooth I'm actually slightly jealous, but only slightly. I mean I certainly wouldn't need such a frivolous trait, but it would be a beneficial addition to my act if I had it. Maybe it would even work on—"You got that, little man?" This time Blubs is addressing me. "No funny business. I'm hoping to see you out of here soon on good behavior."

"Oh, you know little old me, Sheriff. I'll be a good boy."

Blubs is leaving. Good. Leave me with Deputy Dimwit. You think I'd have any trouble escaping with you two as the law enforcement of this town? I'm Gideon Charles Gleeful, darn it! I don't even belong in jail.

A bell rings after a few minutes have passed. Durland goes to greet the guest. I could find a way out of this stupid cell if I felt like standing up. I bet the cell isn't even locked.

"Boy, you have one of them visitor type folks." It's probably Dad, coming to bail me out. It's not like he could keep a steady income without me anyway.

So imagine my surprise when I see her on the other side of the bars. "Gideon."

"Good to see you too, apple fritter."

"We need to talk."

"About how I saved your life?"

"About how you almost got me killed in the first place."

"Ouch. You make it sound like I want to hurt you. Clearly you haven't been paying attention." I turn to lie on the uncomfortable bed. "What happened between us, Mabel? We were so happy, and then you turned on me. Why let your brother dictate your actions like that?"

"My brother? Gideon, I never wanted to date you! You dragged me into it!"

"That's not how I remember it."

"Well that's what happened whether you like it or not." She sighs and adds, "I know I don't."

A few seconds of awkward silence pass, and I decide to break it. "We could've had it all, Mabel: lights, fame, giant hamster balls, and all the makeup and yarn you could ever ask for." I sit up again and face her. "But no, you had to go and take your brother's side. I knew from the start he was up to no good. And then he comes up to me and says, 'Hey, Gideon, guess what! Mabel doesn't want to see you anymore.' Lying right to my face. So I teach him a lesson in manners, and you take his side. Why?"

"Uh, he's my brother?" she says as if that's supposed to mean anything to me. "And you tried to kill him!"

"I was just trying to shut up his lying mouth," I justify.

"You hurt my brother," she repeats. "Why would I want anything to do with you after that? Did you really think I would fall in love with you after something like that? After you hurt my family?"

"Family?" I scoff. "You mean the people you deal with every day just because you need them to survive? How thick is blood really, Mabel? Is it thick enough to mend the quarrel between a middle-aged business man capitalizing on a child prodigy and a woman who just wanted her sweet baby boy to grow up a normal kid? Surely the blood they've pooled into their only child would be enough if any of it mattered. But don't take my word for it. Why don't you ask Stanford what family means to him? Ask him if he'd sell your soul for a million dollars and come back to me when you get the answer. I'd bet all the money I have that he'd take that offer. Now I, on the other hand, would never do that to you, Mabel. I wouldn't give you up for a billion, or even a trillion dollars. Stanford? Pfft! He'd settle for the change in my pocket, I reckon." I shift a little on the bed, my eyes not leaving her for a moment. "Family, you see, is only as wonderful as how useful you are to them. How much did you even know about Stanford before you and Dipper moved in with him? Did you even talk to him at all? During Thanksgiving, maybe? Then he faded into obscurity, didn't he? Never really came up in conversation?" She remains silent. "Heck, how much do you know about him now? Face it, Mabel. Family is an illusion made to give you a false sense of togetherness when deep down you know you're alone in the world. The only truth anyone can cling to is what's constructed in one's own mind. The virtue of family is all in your head."

I can tell that Mabel is processing my words, and she looks a bit uneasy. Good. This is progress. Once Mabel finally understands how silly it is to ignore the person with her best interests in mind, maybe we can get over this hump and start anew. Maybe she will understand that we belong together, being the kindred spirits that we are. She will realize that I am right, and that I always have been.

"Gideon, you're right." Well, that went faster than I expe—"We could've had it all: a great friendship, some fun memories, someone to appreciate sparkly things with. But no, you wanted more, and you hurt me. I haven't made so many trips to Sweater Town before I met you. Sure, give me five minutes and cheerful, silly Mabel will bounce right back, because cheerful, silly Mabel sees the good in everything, even you. But eventually she'll go back to Sweater Town, and it's almost always because of you. So I'm ending it tonight; if you come near my family again, you better hope on everything you believe in that you've changed before then, or I will find you. I may not be a very serious person, but I'm taking this very seriously. Either change or find some other family to harass. Goodbye, Gideon. I hope you change. I really do, for your sake."

She starts walking away, and I call to her. "Empty threats, mi amor!" No response. "…Carrot cake?"

The small bell dings. She's gone.

"…Marshmallow?" I mutter futilely. She really is gone, and not just from the jail either. "Well fine!" I shout to no one. "Who needs you anyway?" I lie down on the bed again. "I certainly don't. Why would I? I'm Gideon Charles Gleeful! I can date anyone, anytime, anywhere, anyplace, and—!" I stop to catch my breath. I roll off the bed and onto the floor; I'm not sure why I did that. Falling on the floor hurt, but not as much as everything else. "No one says no… no one says no to me… Mabel… Mabel says no…" My heart. My head. My pride. My dignity. Everything is hurting, like I'm being repeatedly stabbed with invisible knives. "No one says… Mabel says… Mabel…"

**-X-**

**Author's Note: My first attempt at Magidbeleon, brought to you straight from my DeviantART account. Can't decide whether it's decent or meh. Hope you enjoy it nonetheless.**

**As usual, I don't own a dang thing.**


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